I wanted to just write a little bit about how grateful I am for my amazing family who support me and help look after me when I'm struggling.
This morning, I got some extremely sad news about a family friend who has been very ill in recent years and is mostly now in a wheelchair after a stroke. It seems her husband committed suicide sometime yesterday afternoon/evening as he couldn't cope with the demands and struggles his family were going through. I can't even begin to imagine the awful grief his wife and daughter are experiencing just now but given how upset I am, it must be unbearable. The reason I wanted to write about this tragic event was to highlight how much the rest of the family is affected when someone requires extra care due to pain or illness.
I have been a carer for my son who is autistic and witnessed firsthand the effect dealing with the daily issues not only had on him and myself but also my daughters, husband and other family. I have since been the one who has required extra care due to my pain and dizziness. Sometimes I can't join in with fun family activities and have to go and lay down or just watch, being slightly aloof. Sometimes, my kids have seen me writhing in agony with pain and vomiting, or suddenly being unable to see in the middle of Tesco due to a occular migraine. They have always stepped up and done what has been needed to take of me. My husband and parents are also there to help me out with the practicalities of daily life, like cooking, cleaning and doing the shopping, but also to offer emotional support when my future is looking very bleak to me.
This is something I truly appreciate, and I do the best I can to give them the support they need in ways I am able to. But I know that it's hard for family members in these situations. You spend so much time focusing on the care you need to provide, doing the mundane everyday tasks like the washing, putting the bins out, making cups of tea and a million other things which constitute life. It's very easy to forget that as a carer, you have needs too, but I know from experience myself and seeing friends, family and just people I know a little bit ignoring their own needs because they have to be strong for the person they're caring for. It takes so much strength to care for someone else in this way, when it seems obstacles are constantly put in your path and you have the workload of 3 or 4 people to try to juggle, especially if you're working as well.
I think it's very important to tell those around you, how much you love them and appreciate their help and also to give that love and help to those around you even when they don't ask for it.
Life can be beautiful and wonderful a lot of the time, but even the most happy lives have difficult patches and I feel the only way any of us get through it is to help one another, just because we care. I have told my family today how much I love them and appreciate them and they have been doing the same.
I know I am very lucky to have an amazing family around me and supportive friends too, but I have also always been aware that some people who don't have family at all or their families can't support them as they need support themselves. I try to be a kind and thoughtful person to everyone around me and am proud of all my kids who show amazing empathy towards others. I feel even more compulsion to just do a little thing here and there when I can to help someone else. Whether it's buying a homeless person some lunch, helping a parent with their tray in a cafe or just whatever seems necessary in the moment, I would ask that anyone who reads this, tries to do something to make someone else's day a little brighter and better.
And to the many people out there who are feeling like they can't go on for whatever reasons, please reach out for help.
And if someone tells you they are struggling with life, try to take the time to listen to them and get them the help they need. Unfortunately, us humans seem to be pretty amazing at acting and putting on the face we think others need to see and we don't want to show weakness or be a burden on others. Just know, you're not a burden, you're a human and you matter.
And those who just have bad days, weeks, months or years - talk about it. Depression really isn't something to be ashamed of. Struggling cope and literally crying over that milk you spilled (because it was last straw that day of things going wrong - I'm sure we've all been there), is OK. Let your kids see that sometimes things get really hard and you want to give up but instead you'll sit with them and eat ice cream for tea and watch Cinderella for the 367th time. You can try again later and it'll probably be fine. Cry when someone in the movie dies, and don't be afraid to show it - it's perfectly normal to cry at this part. Give yourself a break. And give others a break.
There's so much more to be said about this issue, but I think I've said what I feel is important and it's getting late.
take care 💗
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